Sad

It's really been tough to think of words to say about this, but I'm going to give it a try.

Last Thursday, Eddie's mom had a light heart attack. She went to the hospital and they scheduled an arteriogram for the next day. They found that she has 4 blocked arteries. The news was not good. One of them is 100% blocked, one is 90% blocked, one is 95% blocked, and the other one is 60% blocked. The only way the arteries can be repaired is by doing open heart surgery, which she is not a good candidate for. For her, because of her age and various other health problems, she would be a very high risk.

The decision was still up to her, but this week she decided to not have the surgery. They released her and sent her home with medications like blood thinners, cholesterol medicine, and some other things that I don't know what they are, and she has to wear a nitroglycerin patch during the day. She is not to do anything strenuous because I think they feel the more she does, the worse for her. What really surprised us was that they have arranged for Hospice to start coming to her house. That bummed me a little because I always thought that Hospice was sent during the last stages of life. Then it dawned on me that, for her, this may be the last stages of her life. She could have another heart attack at any time and may or may not survive it.

This has been a wake up call for me. The doctors told her this was not a recent thing, but had been building up over time. It dawned on me that people, like me, with high cholesterol probably have the junk building up in their arteries and some damage has already been done. Unless we try to prevent any more damage from happening, we could be in the same shape that she's in. That's a real eye opener. I have all the genetic risk factors of high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and I am about 50 pounds overweight. Up until now, I knew I had those things, but I was in denial. I guess it I had just pushed into the back of my mind what could possibly happen if I didn't change my ways. Now, that I've seen what has happened to her and that it could possibly happen to me (or anyone), I've made a complete turnaround. No more am I going to piss and moan about the fact that I don't seem to have any willpower or self-control when it comes to food. It's really not a matter of willpower, but of want power. How badly do I want to get this weight off of me and be healthy again? At this point, really badly. I know there are some things that we have no control over, but we do have control over how we take care of ourselves and the food we put into our bodies. So, as of last Friday, I have started watching what I eat and I have been walking about 20-30 minutes a day. I hope to be able to build up to more exercise time, but if I can't, then that's ok too. As long as I'm doing something to try and improve my health, something is better than nothing.

Also, last night I started watching the new season the The Biggest Loser. I like watching this show because it's really inspiring. Those people work really, really hard to get their weight off and change their lives. I'm so thankful that I don't have as much weight to lose as most of them do, so it's easy for me to become inspired when I see all the good things they are doing to become healthier.

Too Long

Gee.... I can't believe it's been so long since I posted in my regular journal. I post so reguarly in my knitting journal that I forget all about this one. I guess one reason I don't post here very often is because I sometimes don't know what to say. But, I should just write about whatever is on my mind. I try to wait until I'm inspired or see something that really inspires me like the last post I wrote here, which was "Waiting for Supper." After I wrote that post, I went out and bought a pretty cut crystal candle holder and a tall white candle. For awhile, I started lighting that candle every time I ate at the table.

I really need some organization in my life because 9 times out of 10, I can barely clear enough space at the dining room table just to sit down and eat, much less light a candle. Sadly, I've been using my dining room table as a craft table and it is usually scattered with whatever craft I happen to be working on at the time. This really distresses me because I would love to have a nice, clean dining room table all of the time, but I can't seem to do it. For one thing, when I walk in the door my arms are usually loaded with stuff I'm carrying and I have to put it somewhere and, you guessed it, it goes on the table until I can sort through it. I guess I'm just a big slob.

At mealtime, Eddie usually sits in his recliner with a portable TV tray and watches a basketball game and eats and I sit at the dining room table and read a good book while I'm eating. When I read about how some couples have romantic dinners together talking about their day, maybe with lit candles, I wonder if we are abnormal or if we've lost touch with each other somehow. But, when I think about it, I seem to remember reading about those romantic dinners in books and not too many in real life. I guess our lives have gotten so busy in this day and age that we barely can get everyone together for a family meal, much less sit down and talk about our days. I guess that's one reason I loved watching Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, and Leave It to Beaver so much. It's a lost art, sitting down to dinner with the whole family.

It was funny because the other night Eddie and I went out to eat. It was fun because we actually did talk about stuff. It was very nice. But, I guess when we are at home, he's really involved in watching his basketball games and I'm really involved in whatever book I'm reading. It's sad, I know, but I love to read and have always been a bookworm. I think he's always loved sports too. We should probably make a real effort to sit at the table, and I've tried it, but he doesn't usually want to. I guess he's comfortable in his recliner and doesn't want to get out of it. Those recliners are comfy, but they are definitely not conducive to getting anything productive done.